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Monthly Archives: November 2006

Sorry for the lack of updates. Lots of things are happening at work and school, as this semester is wrapping up and my hours shoot up more and more as we get closer to the holidays.Anywho , we’re getting more and more interesting characters all the time, so we’re going to go with the most recent I’ve seen…and possibly one of the funniest.

So this African-American couple comes in shopping around, browsing through all the items, except in a very extravagant manner. It is distinctly hard to describe how someone shops in such a way, but if there was any definition, it was what they were doing. The woman constantly looked through everything with a flourish; this shirt had to be picked up to shoulder height before it could be put down, the hangers she was looking through had to be clacked exceptionally loud and so on and so forth. The husband (boyfriend…whatever) just sat back and admired his woman as she shopped. I will call her Diva for the purposes of this post.

Now, let me set the record straight folks; we get a lot of poorly dressed people in our store. I mean A LOT. I swear people come in looking like they’re on laundry day just so we, the employees, get so aggravated that we just dress them, give them the clothes for free and burn their old sweatpants. This gentleman had a beret on, a pair of Gucci (or some other famous name-brand) sunglasses, a sweatsuit (kinda like windbreaker material, if you can imagine it) that was navy blue and orange and whose arms and legs were too short for his body, and a really, REALLY cheap looking piece ofbling bling around his neck. For the record, we’ll just call him “Chuck.”

And you could tell he thought he looked just fabulous.

So anyway, these people are standing literally no more than ten feet apart from each other, yet they were communicating as if they were on opposite sides of the Grand Canyon…and the canyon was filled with pudding. Seriously. Take the distance I am from your computer. Now multiply it by 2. Now act as if I’m that distance away from you, but you’re shouting as if I were deaf. Yeah, you are pretty obnoxious if you did that to yourself.

Anyway, they have the following conversation:
Chuck: YO BABY, WHAT CHU THINK ‘BOUT THIS TURTLENECK?
Diva: WHAT BABY? I CANT HEAR YA. (About 5 feet apart)
Chuck: I SAID WHAT CHU THINK ‘BOUT THIS SHIRT?!
Diva: OH!! (she analyzes it for a second or so) NO BABY, THAT SHIRT WON’T FIT ACROSS THESE BOOBS!!
Chuck: (pervertedly) SURE THEY WILL, HONEY, THEY’LL LOOK REAAAAALLY NICE.

At this point, I walk up to them and kindly ask them if they need help with anything. Nothing rude. Nothing insencere. Just common corteousy.

Chuck: WHAT CHU SAY? (apparently, they were both deaf, as they asked to have phrases repeated a lot)
Me: I was simply asking if you needed help, sir. Do you?
Chuck: I AINTS NO PITY PARTY.

I took this to mean “No, I don’t need help, but thank you for the offer.” And thus, I returned to my duties.

Well, a short while later, this couple is still carousing around the store, and then Chuck does something even more fun. He pulls out a camera and starts to photograph his significant other shopping. And this isn’t any little camera, either…it’s a pretty sizable digital camera. And he’s snapping away at her as if she was frickin’ Angelina Jolie. She was posing with shirts and everything…and let me tell you, this woman’s posed faces could make a train take a dirt road. There was NOTHING wrong with her face, nor her smile…but she insisted on contorting her face as if a rotten lemon in a dirty gym sock was held underneath her nose, but a hint of a smile in there.

To be honest, I don’t know if they even bought anything. They probably thought they were such hot shit they could walk out of the store with the clothes on, and we’d say “Thanks for the extra publicity!!” and let them do it.

I never knew what became of this couple. Perhaps they ran off into the sunset, snapping photos in Best Buy, The Shoe Department andLowes (Lord knows you need to have memories of lumber lovin’.) Perhaps they became better dressed, normal people who became rich and famous. Either way, I do hope they come in again.

Hell, how can you go to our store and not get a photo with ME?

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