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Monthly Archives: August 2007

It’s a short one this week, folks…I’m working on a few other juicy stories, but this one has been laying around in my head for quite some time, and it’s about time to post it. This week’s story scares the hell out of me. This happened a few weeks ago, and it just popped into my head again this evening, so I’m writing about it now.

After coming off of break, one of my co-workers (we’ll call her Mary) was watching the room. I took the key from her and proceeded to survey my domain while she went to folding clothes. Things were normal…well, as normal as they get around that FR.

That is, until SHE came in.

A woman, probably in her late 40s, early 50s came strolling in. Let me rephrase that…shuffling in. She was about my height (around 5’7 or so) and weighed about 105 soaking wet. Skinny bitch kinda character…no curves to speak of. She distinctly overly tanned herself, so she had wrinkles around her eyes and her mouth. Her hair was black, but her one inch roots gave away the fact she was naturally dark brown. She tied part of it up in an 80s style duo-ponytail thing, which looks very very awkward when you have very frizzy, curly hair. She was wearing a flowy top (a common dress ploy to avoid revealing she has no upper body to speak of) and a pair of jeans that were painted on. It was a pretty common sight…and she definitely had a smoker’s voice. If you’ve ever listened to a woman that smoked for the majority of her life, you know exactly what I mean.

The thing that was most shocking about this woman was her boots…which matched her hair…both in color and texture. Seriously. Frizzy haired black boots that were about 2 inches thick in all directions stemming from her leg.Yes, these boots.

Yes. These boots right here.

Now, I encounter my lot of strange looking folks in the ol’ FR. I’ve gotten balding women, frail, frightened looking women, and people that just look…well, strange. This woman topped the list because she actually flaunted herself as if she looked good. That’s the joke of the century right there.

So anyway, Jim (remember him from a post wayyyyy back? I thought not) came waltzing by, and I noticed that he didn’t shave. He had a few stray hairs growing in random places, so I decided to bust on him for it as a joke. I called out “HEY, THAT BEARD’S COMIN’ IN NICE AND THICK, JIM!”

Now, I will be the first to admit my facial hair is nothing spectacular…pretty straggly, actually…but it’s there. It’s distinctly a goatee and mustache. I have a lot more than Jim, so I just joked with him about it.

Well, this woman looks straight at me, and says very seriously (and in a snobby, snooty voice): “Tsk…it’s not like you have anything to brag about. It looks like a caterpillar died on your upper lip.”

I’ll let that soak in for a second.

A customer said this.

Directly to my face.

With 100% sincerity (you could see it in how she looked).

What the hell. What in the FUCKING hell.

I’ve been insulted…jokingly before by customers. They find it hard to insult me, though. I’m nothing but nice when it comes to my job. And the same went for this woman…I was nothing but nice to her the entire time she was there. I asked if she needed help or anything, and she definitely took advantage of that. And for the few times that I have been insulted, it’s because of what I have done, not because of who I am or what I look like.

Well, I went from zero to pissed instantly. Things like this usually don’t irritate me, but I had just been fucking insulted by King Tut’s mom (she looked old enough to be her, anyway). My smile faltered, and I stared at her…no, LEERED at her intensely. She kinda laughed meanly about her insult. No one else did, so I guess she pitied herself. In fact, a woman sitting right next to her looked at her glaringly; I guess she saw how insensitive the comment was.

She left shortly thereafter. I mean, I couldn’t lose my cool, despite how much I wanted to. I know it’s stupid to get so angry over something so shallow as my looks, but Jesus, if I can be nice to the hundreds of people I see in a week, I’m pretty damn sure you can avoid insulting me for no fucking reason.

I really felt like shouting back (and this popped into my head immediately) AND HOW MANY FUCKING WOOLY MAMMOTHS DID YOU KILL TO FUCKING MAKE YOUR ASS UGLY BOOTS?! or THE POODLES CALLED…THE WANT THEIR GOD AWFUL HAIRSTYLE BACK!! or FUCKING GET SOME IMPLANTS SO THOSE CLOTHES ACTUALLY FEEL LIKE THEY’RE CLINGING TO SOMETHING!!

Fucking asshole.

New stuff soon.

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